The Man’s Guide to Empathy With Your Wife (5 Minute Read)
Daniel Crosby • March 19, 2023

I meet a lot of wives that complain that their husbands are empathy challenged.


I’ve joked that God 1st made Adam and then 2nd he made Eve. She was version 2.0. She had extra features and some more complex circuitry.


All joking aside, while empathy is harder for some, it can be learned.


Men, I want you to try this. It’s not one size fits all, but these are ideas that have worked for others. It takes practice, but it will be worth it. If your wife has ever said, “I want you to pursue me (nonsexually),” this is one way to show her that you’re trying to do that.


Ladies, if you read this, laugh, and say “That crazy counselor is clueless!,” that’s great! Read this with your guy and then help him understand a better way he can show you empathy. He really does want to understand and do it better, but he needs a roadmap.


Here’s your crash course guys!


Dr. Theresa Wiseman* gave us one roadmap in her 4 attributes of empathy:


1. See the World as Others See it*


This is all about perspective. We must first recognize our emotions, worldviews, and biases and then get past those so we can see our wives’ perspectives. 


Ask yourself:


“How would I feel if I was in her shoes?” 

“What does she value?” 

“What are her fears?” 

“How does she measure success?” 


Hint: The answer to these may be very different from your answers to these questions and that’s OK!


2. Understand Another’s Current Feelings*


This is all about recognizing the emotion your wife is feeling and labeling it correctly. A lot of men sigh and admit that they aren’t good at this. That’s ok, sometimes it can be just as meaningful to your wife if you just ask her how she feels. 


Here’s a sample conversation: 


Husband: “How are you?”

Wife: “I had to get the kids off to school, then go to work, then my coworker came in and wouldn’t stop talking, then my mom called…” 

Husband: (Recognizing that she just listed a bunch of things in an exasperated tone). “Wow, that’s a lot. So how are you FEELING after all that?”

Wife: “I don’t even know. Exhausted, Overwhelmed, Hopeless, Frustrated, Annoyed, Scattered!”

Husband: “Well I’m glad you’re home. I’m sorry it’s been such a difficult day. What if I deal with most of the home stuff tonight so we can get it squared away and maybe we can relax earlier than normal?”


The husband, not knowing how his wife feels, simply asked. Then, once he knew the feeling, he could react to it and help alleviate some of her burden.


3. Non-judgmental*


Guys, this is where we shoot ourselves in the foot. When we jump to “fix it” mode, sometimes we unintentionally communicate that we know how to deal with life’s frustrations better than our wives do. This leaves them feeling like we’re judging them. If you’re coming across as an expert and giving advice without being asked, then you risk coming across as judgmental. Rather than being the expert fixer try becoming an expert detective. Expert detectives ask great questions and search for factual evidence.


Good questions to ask and then LISTEN for her response:


“What is the hardest part about this for you?”

“What do you wish was different about this situation?”

“What do you think the best next step would be to make it better?”


Hint: A great follow up question after your wife answers these questions is, “What else?” Rarely do people give a full response on their first response. Asking, “What else?” tells your wife that you’re listening, engaged, and not just looking for a quick resolution so you can escape the conversation. You are wanting to go deeper into it with her.


4. Communicate the Other’s Feelings*


The opposite of being judgmental is validation. The question I get here is, “But Daniel, what if I don’t agree with what my wife is feeling given the situation?” Good news! You don’t have to agree with someone’s feelings to validate them. For instance, I don’t agree when someone has decided to cheat on their spouse, but after hearing their story, I can validate the loneliness, sadness, depression, and hurt that they must have felt to get to the point of making that decision.


Situation – A wife is venting to her husband that she’s stressed because she said “yes” to 3 friends’ events all in the same day.

Wife: “Today sucks. I feel like I’m failing everyone, and I’m being pulled in so many directions.”

Husband: “I’m sorry it’s been rough today. I know it’s important to you to let everyone know that they matter. I love how you care about all your friends and want to make them feel special. It has to feel exhausting to be doing this much and still feel like you aren’t winning.”


What we want is to feel like someone connects with us. Afterall, the thing worse than hurting is hurting alone.


Shoot me an email or message and let me know the best ways you’ve found to show empathy to your significant other.


* Wiseman, Theresa. (1996). A concept analysis of empathy. Journal of Advanced Nursing. 23. 1162 - 1167. 10.1046/j.1365-2648.1996.12213.x.

Depression and Professional Help

By Daniel Crosby • October 27, 2025
Depression + Professional Help So the big questions is: “How do I know when it’s time to go see a counselor about depression? When is it beyond just trying self-help strategies?” Only you know how you’re feeling internally but here are some signs that it’s time to reach out: • Suicidal thoughts – Call or Text 988 Immediately! • Can’t function with work – You don’t care that there may be consequences for poor performance and you’re slacking on deadlines • Parenting – You’ve given up on typical caretaking duties like healthy meals, cleaning up, or setting healthy boundaries with the kids • Finances – You have a “screw it” mentality where you stop budgeting and just spend to try to find happiness OR You stop paying bills altogether • Hygiene – Your personal hygiene tanks and you don’t care about brushing your teeth, bathing, wearing deodorant, etc. • Isolation – You’ve consistently been avoiding others and turning down attempts of friends and family to pull you out of your slump • Significant change in the way you normally function day to day Call a therapist if you want… • Accountability • An outside perspective • To dig deeper into the “why” • A judgement free zone • New ideas to try Before beginning medication, ask these questions: • “Hey doc! What is your philosophy on prescribing? (Conservative, Experimental, etc?) • “Hey doc! Is there a time limit to how long you will keep me on this medication? • “Hey doc! How will you be measuring how my progress and when to raise/lower dosage and begin or discontinue a medication?” • “Do I feel at peace with how the Dr. explained this medication?” • “Did the Dr. have the heart of a teacher or were they quick to prescribe without hearing me out?” • “Did the Dr. take time with me or rush in and rush out? • “Have I done my own research on the medications the Dr. is recommending?” Homework: If you’re not sure about any of the above, give me a call. I’ll happily do a FREE 15 Minute Consultation Call whether you want to come to see me or not. I’ll give you my professional opinion about what might be the next right step.

Depression and Stagnation

By Daniel Crosby • October 20, 2025
Depression + Stagnation What do you do when you’re doing all the right things and still feel depression lingering? Depression isn’t an on/off switch that goes away overnight. It rarely gets better in an instant. There’s a progression to it. If you’re investing in some of the things we’re talking about in this series CONSISTENTLY then you’ll probably see some positive changes over time. In the meantime, try these ideas to help boost you out of your stagnation that you’re feeling. 1. Acknowledge progress over perfection. You didn’t get here overnight. Where did you begin and where are you now? What has improved? 2. Go serve someone else in a new way – Focusing on others is a good way to boost the way you feel about yourself. 3. Consider a shock to the system. A trip to a new place, a different therapist, a new hobby, a job change, or making a new friend can all make us feel alive again if we’re stagnant. Homework: Finish this statement: “In the last week, the thing I’m the most proud of myself for doing is_______.”
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Depression and Sleep Strugles

By Daniel Crosby • October 13, 2025
Depression + Sleep Struggles Sleep is one of the biggest struggles we face when we’re depressed. Oddly enough the diagnosis manual says “Insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day” as one of the symptoms. Whether you can’t sleep at all or you’re sleeping all the time it can really rock your world. Maybe your mind is just spinning with all the jumble of thoughts in your head. Or maybe you have no energy and you’re struggling to just do the basics before going back to bed. Here are 3 ideas to get the sleep routine back on track: 1. Create a predictable wind-down ritual – Early dinner, Herbal tea, Warm bath, Good smelling lotion, Clean sheets and jammies. 2. Try “brain dump” journaling at night – Write down today’s wins and loses as well as tomorrow’s worries so your brain can let go of those things. You can relax better without ruminating on it because it’s written down. 3. Avoid doom scrolling— Replace screens with audio or soft light activity. Soothing. Uplifting reading. Devotional. Positive in/Positive out. If you must watch TV make sure it’s an emotion that competes with depression (funny!) Homework: Try a new bedtime strategy tonight and notice if it helps you wind down a little easier. Your brain and body will thank you tomorrow morning.