How to Cope With Tragedy (3 Minute Read)
Daniel Crosby • March 28, 2023

THE PROBLEM:

Whether it’s a natural disaster like the recent tornadoes in Mississippi or a community tragedy like the recent school shooting in Nashville, we’re left reeling and wrestling with what to do with the pain and hurt. Where do we turn for answers?


THE CONNECTION:

The most important thing we need right now is one another. We need connection. These are situations that no one can understand and to feel confusion in the midst of them is…human.


If you’re feeling angry, confused, sad, or hopeless then:


  • You are just like the rest of us - There’s no script for these tragedies or how to respond perfectly. No one has this all figured out. It doesn’t make sense to any of us and we’re all sighing in frustration.
  • You are probably functioning just like God designed you to function. Your confusion comes from the way God wired you to problem solve yet your brain and heart can’t line up and solve this.
  • You feel compelled to do something but you don’t know what to do.


THE KIDS:

It becomes even more challenging to know how to help our kids manage it because they certainly feel out of control.


  • Your kids want your permission to feel what they’re feeling. They don’t know what to feel or may wonder if what they’re feeling is right or not.
  • Tell your kids WHAT you’re feeling whether it’s sadness, anger, or confusion. It’s good to show weakness and vulnerability to your kids. Putting on a strong and stoic front could send the message that having painful feelings is wrong.
  • Tell them WHY you’re feeling that way. It sometimes helps others if we use language that can help them label something that may feel unidentifiable to them.
  • It’s ok if you don’t know the answer to their question. Let them know that they’re not in it alone. We’re both feeling it together.
  • Reassure them that they’re safe with you and they can come to you to talk about what they’re feeling anytime.
  • Don’t make it a one-off conversation. Check back in with them regularly in the coming days and weeks.


THE SOLUTION:

It’s normal to feel outrage and want to begin pointing fingers to find out who is responsible. This will happen in the coming days and weeks. Just wait for the news media and politicians to begin to capitalize on this tragedy.


“It’s the Republicans’ fault for not passing more gun control legislation.”


“It’s the Democrats’ fault for propagating a culture of mental health brokenness and confusion.”


“It’s the school’s fault for not having a gated campus with a safety fence around the whole property to keep people out.” (Yep, I saw this one on social media already.)

 

I think back to 9/11 when tragedy struck and we briefly became a people more focused on God. For a moment, He became the solution. There’s something wired into us that makes us want to look to something or Someone bigger than ourselves when things feel out of control. Deep down we want to know we don’t have to be control. Humanity struggles when we try to be our own gods.


The solution is CONNECTION:

with our hurt,

with our loved ones,

with our God.


THE FINAL WORD:

I say it often: “The thing that is worse than hurting it hurting alone.”


Grab someone today and hug them. Put aside a petty squabble that you’ve been hanging onto, apologize, and move on. Call a friend or a family member and tell them you love them.


Most of all, look to God who is the One who is able to empathize with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15) and who is close to us when we are brokenhearted and saves us when we are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).

"Don't Believe Everything You Think" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • July 16, 2025
“Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen is interesting. It’s one of those books where you need to grab hold of the concepts that are of benefit and toss the ones that aren’t. There’s some new-agey stuff in it that sounded like fluff to me but I had one big takeaway that I’ll use. Here it is: THOUGHTS are great! THINKING can become problematic. When you have a thought, that is neutral. It’s a fact. It’s what we do with that thought that then becomes helpful or harmful. When I take that factual thought and I begin over THINKING, JUDGING myself, SPIRALING into worst case scenarios, then the thought ceases to be productive. I’m confessing to you here. I’m raising my right hand. “Hi, my name is Daniel and I am an overthinker.” And then the crowd at the meeting replied I unison, “Hi Daniel.” Accept the thought but keep an eye on it because if the thought begins to get squirely and become self-critical or catastrophize then we need to snap ourselves back to reality. He gives you a little practical help with this but it’s only a 2 hour audiobook so it’s limited. Hey, that’s why you should come see me for counseling though. As an overthinker, we can work together to find ways to help your overthinking. It’s worth a read though. “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen.

"Born Again This Way" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • July 2, 2025
“Born Again This Way” by Rachel Gilson is a beautiful and deeply personal book about her struggle between her identity in the LGBT community and how that came into conflict when she became a person of faith. Talk about two very polarizing ideas in our world today! I would say it’s ½ memoir and ½ theology in its makeup. Gilson doesn’t hold back from getting into the nitty gritty of her own story as well as the Christian scriptures. The book is pointed but respectful. I can’t see any well-meaning person coming away from it offended. Sure, there are those who will read it and disagree with her ideas. It will sadden some and give hope to others. I’ve said before that we need to be reading things that challenge us. Read things to sharpen your beliefs. This means you should read a lot of things that are IN alignment with your beliefs so you can further clarify them. Also, read something that opposes your beliefs though. If we always live in our own echo chamber/ algorithm how will be learn how to interact with people who believe differently than we do. This is a great one for families lovingly trying to understand a child wrestling with LGBT ideas. This is a great one if you have friends in the LGBT community and wonder if or how to approach matters of faith. This is a good one for those in the LGBT community who want to read something from a Christian who bridges that divide that often exists. It’s a good one! “Born Again This Way” by Rachel Gilson.

"The Elephant in the Room" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • June 25, 2025
“The Elephant in the Room: One Fat Man’s Quest to get Smaller in a Growing America” by Tommy Tomlinson might be my must read book of the year. It’s a beautiful memoir by Tomlinson, a coastal Georgia native, and a journalist by trade. He tells his story through the lens of his lifelong struggle with his weight. If you live in the south, then food is at the center of everything. We grieve with food, celebrate with food, and medicate with food. Heck, sometimes we’re sitting at the table gorging ourselves for lunch as we’re discussing plans for dinner. The book is hilarious in parts and heart breaking in other parts. It reminded me that everyone has a story behind who they are. We all have junk. He reminded me that some people’s stuff is internal. They look amazing on the outside but they’re crumbling inside. Other people’s stuff is external on display for the whole world to see though. What if rather than prejudging those we meet, we come alongside them and share our stuff. There’s something about knowing someone’s story that levels the playing field. If you struggle with weight, then this book is going to hit home. If you have a friend or family member who struggles with weight, then you need to read this one so you can better connect. If none of the above is true, you need to read this one because it’s an amazing story of a man who has a similar story to the rest of us. You’ll laugh and cry but most of all you’re connect with another person who is on this same journey we’re all on. Go read “The Elephant in the Room” by Tommy Tomlinson.