Have you ever heard the statement:

“I don’t go to church anymore because the church is full of hypocrites.”

When a person is hurting, beaten down, and disappointed by life and they come to the church with an expectation of receiving help, do we help them?

I mean, do we REALLY help them?

I wonder if those of us in the church often send them away with this message, “Wow, we hate that you’re struggling but stop doing drugs/womanizing/using bad language and then we would be thrilled to help you get your life back on track so you can be just like us.”

Disclaimer: I have never literally heard someone from a church say those words to someone who is hurting. For some reason, though, people walk away from Christians feeling this way.

If I, as a follower of Christ, can’t be vulnerable about my life struggles and my inability to manage my own life well, maybe I too am silently sending this message.

Maybe a better way to begin is through relationship. One of the quickest ways to CONNECTION is through common ground.

“That part of your story really resonates with me.”

“Here’s how I felt when I was going through something like that.”

“Here’s how I am finding relief now on this side of it.”

It is in this place that shame often vanishes.

“Really?”

“You struggle a lot of the time too?”

“You’re just trying to figure out this life one day at a time too?”

”Good! I’m glad I’m not the only one!”

I’ve sat with countless people as we worked through their past church hurt. Counseling is a great way to unpack a lot of those old let-downs and disappointments.

If you or someone you know is struggling with church hurt, then send them my way. I’d love for them to have a chance to meet a hypocritical Christian counselor who doesn’t have all the answers.