One Healthy Way to Handle Intense Marriage Conflict (2 Minute Read)
Daniel Crosby • June 13, 2023

Day 3


One Healthy Way to Handle Intense Marriage Conflict (2 Minute Read)


At some point in your marriage, you’re going to have a disagreement that just seems insurmountable. Every time you talk about that topic, tempers seem to flare. Sometimes, it’s good to take a break and walk away so you don’t do more damage by saying something in the heat of the moment that you’ll later regret.


Here’s how it works:


1. Anyone can call a timeout at any time. Whichever one of you is the more emotionally in control and more mature will be the one who calls the timeout.


2. Always use the words “I” or “We” when calling a timeout. “I think we need a timeout.” Or “I think I need to take a break and calm down.” Never say, “YOU are out of control and YOU need a timeout.” (You get 1 guess on why I had to add this rule.)


3. Once the timeout has been called, the conversation on this topic is over. Do not be that person that has to get in the last word. Do not follow the other person around the house trying to continue the conversation. That is disrespectful. A cease fire is in effect. You may continue to communicate about other life circumstances, if possible, but this topic is off the table for further discussion at this time.


4. When you call a timeout, you MUST choose a time (preferably the same day) that you will get back together and address the disagreement. “Let’s meet back in the living room at 8pm after the kids are in bed to talk more.”


5. Use the time apart to consider your point as well as the other person’s point. Is this worth arguing about? Could the other person’s point have some validity? Did I come across accusatory or aggressive? Is my pride getting in the way of finding a resolution?


6. Meet back together at your specified time to continue to discuss the problem. Consider listening to one another more than talking at one another. Consider apologizing for your part in the disagreement and how you may have come across earlier.


Homework: Decide whether it’s you or your spouse who is the more mature one…just kidding!


Real Homework: Read these timeout rules aloud with your spouse tonight and ask if you can try to put them into practice if you ever find yourself in a big argument or stalemate.


As always, if you’re stuck then don’t hesitate to reach out to me personally. I help couples reconnect every day and get back on track to having a marriage they’re excited to go home to.

"Uncomfortable" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • May 7, 2025
“Uncomfortable: The Awkward and Essential Challenge of Christian Community” by Brett McCracken is a great book to read if you’re a church person or if you’ve become somewhat detached and frustrated with the church. McCracken challenges all of us, conservatives and progressives, to think about the WHY behind Christian community and one of the fundamentals of finding the WHY is approaching it with humility. Maybe you having it your way and telling everyone else they’re wrong wasn’t exactly what Christ had in mind when He instituted the church. iPhones and iPads seem to have morphed into iChurch in a sense. American culture has turned Christ’s church into a business that caters to our comforts aesthetically, relationally, and politically. It’s made us consumers, critics, and reviewers of the Church rather than servants of THE Kingdom. It’s not wrong to have preferences and to like some things better than others. Music, décor, and speaking style are all over the spectrum at different churches, but he argues that the point of picking a church and serving in it should be less about does it meet my needs and more about whether I’m showing up and using this place along with this group to glorify God. He annoyed me in parts because he steps on my toes but maybe we need that a little more often. If you’re disenfranchised with the status quo and you feel like it’d be good to be challenged about church then go grab “Uncomfortable” by Brett McCrackin.

Look for Beautiful Things

By Daniel Crosby • April 28, 2025
Look for beautiful things when you're restless, uncomfortable, or on edge. There's something about acknowledging the good around us that helps us reset and realize that it's not all bad. If you're struggling to see beautiful things in the world, come see me and we can talk more about it. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com

"The Needs of the Heart" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • April 24, 2025
“The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd is a book that will blow your mind. When I picked it up, it’s a very small thin book. Less than 100 pages. I assumed I’d breeze through it in a couple of hours. About a month later I finished digesting it. The truth is we cannot fully live the life God has called us to unless we acknowledge that we do have needs, that these needs are good, and discover the healthy ways of meeting these needs. Chip takes common human needs like Security and Accomplishment and he unpacks what they really are pointing us to in his typical concise but brilliant depth. There’s no fluff here. With chapters just 3-4 pages each, you’re going to want to have a highlighter ready to underline, to ponder these topics, and maybe then to discuss them with someone you know and trust. You’ll come away from this book with a deeper sense what is already fulfilled within you and ones that might be lacking where you need to go do a deep dive with a lot of prayer and introspection. If you liked Chip’s book “The Voice of the Heart,” this is one is your next read. Go grab “The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd.