How to Deal with Grief and Loss in a Marriage (90 Second Read)
Daniel Crosby • June 13, 2023

Day 13


How to Deal with Grief and Loss in a Marriage (90 Second Read)


If you’re married long enough, you’re going to deal with grief and loss with your spouse.


It could be loss of a parent, loss of a job, loss of a child, or many other things that life throws at us.


There are three things that are pivotal between married spouses to help during these tough times.


1. MERCY – Mercy is the idea that we are lenient and compassionate to our spouse who isn’t at their best right now. If your spouse has a short temper, they aren’t as productive around the house as they usually are, or their mind just seems preoccupied with other things show them mercy. Let things slide and give them space. You may have to pick up the slack a little for awhile.


2. ENCOURAGEMENT – When we’re grieving a loss it is draining. Emotionally, mentally, and physically your spouse will be zapped of energy and motivation. That means they need to borrow some encouragement from you. Offer more love, positivity, and closeness if they need help filling up their heart.


3. TIME – It takes time. Our culture sucks at grief and loss. It’s a day or two of bereavement leave and then we’re expected to be back at 100%. How long is long enough to show extra mercy and be extra encouraging? Every situation is different but it’s probably longer than you think. Everyone grieves at a different pace. Check in with one another and ask, “How are you doing?” Give the other person a chance to be real and vulnerable about where they are in the process.


***Note: In the event of the loss of a child, both spouses will be going through this at the same time. Trouble comes when each spouse expects the other to grieve like them or on their timeline. Mercy, Encouragement, and Time become that much more important in these instances.


HOMEWORK: If you’re spouse in the midst of dealing with a loss, gently ask your them what you could do that would help. If they don’t know, you can’t go wrong with lovingly checking in on them every so often to show that you still care and you’re supporting them through it.


As always, if you’re stuck then don’t hesitate to reach out to me personally. I help couples reconnect every day and get back on track to having a marriage they’re excited to go home to.

"Uncomfortable" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • May 7, 2025
“Uncomfortable: The Awkward and Essential Challenge of Christian Community” by Brett McCracken is a great book to read if you’re a church person or if you’ve become somewhat detached and frustrated with the church. McCracken challenges all of us, conservatives and progressives, to think about the WHY behind Christian community and one of the fundamentals of finding the WHY is approaching it with humility. Maybe you having it your way and telling everyone else they’re wrong wasn’t exactly what Christ had in mind when He instituted the church. iPhones and iPads seem to have morphed into iChurch in a sense. American culture has turned Christ’s church into a business that caters to our comforts aesthetically, relationally, and politically. It’s made us consumers, critics, and reviewers of the Church rather than servants of THE Kingdom. It’s not wrong to have preferences and to like some things better than others. Music, décor, and speaking style are all over the spectrum at different churches, but he argues that the point of picking a church and serving in it should be less about does it meet my needs and more about whether I’m showing up and using this place along with this group to glorify God. He annoyed me in parts because he steps on my toes but maybe we need that a little more often. If you’re disenfranchised with the status quo and you feel like it’d be good to be challenged about church then go grab “Uncomfortable” by Brett McCrackin.

Look for Beautiful Things

By Daniel Crosby • April 28, 2025
Look for beautiful things when you're restless, uncomfortable, or on edge. There's something about acknowledging the good around us that helps us reset and realize that it's not all bad. If you're struggling to see beautiful things in the world, come see me and we can talk more about it. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com

"The Needs of the Heart" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • April 24, 2025
“The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd is a book that will blow your mind. When I picked it up, it’s a very small thin book. Less than 100 pages. I assumed I’d breeze through it in a couple of hours. About a month later I finished digesting it. The truth is we cannot fully live the life God has called us to unless we acknowledge that we do have needs, that these needs are good, and discover the healthy ways of meeting these needs. Chip takes common human needs like Security and Accomplishment and he unpacks what they really are pointing us to in his typical concise but brilliant depth. There’s no fluff here. With chapters just 3-4 pages each, you’re going to want to have a highlighter ready to underline, to ponder these topics, and maybe then to discuss them with someone you know and trust. You’ll come away from this book with a deeper sense what is already fulfilled within you and ones that might be lacking where you need to go do a deep dive with a lot of prayer and introspection. If you liked Chip’s book “The Voice of the Heart,” this is one is your next read. Go grab “The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd.