Help Heal My Marriage - 12. Judgement vs Acceptance
Daniel Crosby • November 5, 2024
12. Judgement vs Acceptance
I had to go to court last week. (Maybe I should mention that I wasn’t the one in trouble.) No one was there because they wanted to be. We were there because something bad had happened.
There’s that tension where we know that eventually the judge is going to seal our fate and past judgement. GUILTY!
In your marriage, have you created an atmosphere in which you are passing JUDGEMENT or one of ACCEPTANCE?
Judgement creates fear and distrust. Judgement will push them further away.
Acceptance creates vulnerability and safety. Acceptance draws people nearer.
3 Ways to Increase Acceptance:
1. Celebrate Differences
Embrace and appreciate the differences between you and your partner. Instead of focusing on how you’re different or how you clash, highlight and celebrate these differences as strengths.
2. Respect Boundaries
Understanding and respecting these boundaries helps to build trust and shows that you value each other's autonomy and individuality.
3. Practice Forgiveness
Acknowledging mistakes, both yours and your partner’s, can create an environment where both people feel safe to be themselves without fear of harsh judgment.
Go Time:
The Verdict: “We the jury find this marriage…..” How would you and your partner answer that question? Guilty/Not guilty? Depending on how you answered, it might be time to have a conversation about what to do next.
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
“Uncomfortable: The Awkward and Essential Challenge of Christian Community” by Brett McCracken is a great book to read if you’re a church person or if you’ve become somewhat detached and frustrated with the church. McCracken challenges all of us, conservatives and progressives, to think about the WHY behind Christian community and one of the fundamentals of finding the WHY is approaching it with humility. Maybe you having it your way and telling everyone else they’re wrong wasn’t exactly what Christ had in mind when He instituted the church. iPhones and iPads seem to have morphed into iChurch in a sense. American culture has turned Christ’s church into a business that caters to our comforts aesthetically, relationally, and politically. It’s made us consumers, critics, and reviewers of the Church rather than servants of THE Kingdom. It’s not wrong to have preferences and to like some things better than others. Music, décor, and speaking style are all over the spectrum at different churches, but he argues that the point of picking a church and serving in it should be less about does it meet my needs and more about whether I’m showing up and using this place along with this group to glorify God. He annoyed me in parts because he steps on my toes but maybe we need that a little more often. If you’re disenfranchised with the status quo and you feel like it’d be good to be challenged about church then go grab “Uncomfortable” by Brett McCrackin.
Look for beautiful things when you're restless, uncomfortable, or on edge. There's something about acknowledging the good around us that helps us reset and realize that it's not all bad. If you're struggling to see beautiful things in the world, come see me and we can talk more about it. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
“The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd is a book that will blow your mind. When I picked it up, it’s a very small thin book. Less than 100 pages. I assumed I’d breeze through it in a couple of hours. About a month later I finished digesting it. The truth is we cannot fully live the life God has called us to unless we acknowledge that we do have needs, that these needs are good, and discover the healthy ways of meeting these needs. Chip takes common human needs like Security and Accomplishment and he unpacks what they really are pointing us to in his typical concise but brilliant depth. There’s no fluff here. With chapters just 3-4 pages each, you’re going to want to have a highlighter ready to underline, to ponder these topics, and maybe then to discuss them with someone you know and trust. You’ll come away from this book with a deeper sense what is already fulfilled within you and ones that might be lacking where you need to go do a deep dive with a lot of prayer and introspection. If you liked Chip’s book “The Voice of the Heart,” this is one is your next read. Go grab “The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd.
