60 Second Marriage Recap - Christian Expectations in Marriage
Daniel Crosby • November 1, 2024
11. Christian Expectations in Marriage
I read a delightfully painful book a few years ago by Gary Thomas called “Sacred Marriage.”
It made me do some real soul searching. His idea is that maybe God created marriage NOT to make us HAPPY all the time, but to make us more HOLY, to make us more like Him.
In my relationship with God, I often don’t communicate with Him very well, I get mad at Him when He doesn’t do what I want, I cheat on Him with things that I deem more worthy of my attention, and then I come crawling back when those things don’t fulfill me.
What if your marriage was like that? Would you stick with it?
God’s idea for Christian marriage is that we can practice, in just a tiny way, the love He has given us. His challenge is thus: “Daniel, do you see how I respond to you when you aren’t a great bride in our relationship? I still love you anyway don’t I? Now go and do that with your wife.”
Go Time:
No steps this time. This is more about a change in posture or philosophy. Lean into your spouse with grace and humility not with pridefulness and judgement. What if you loved them in spite of those little flaws that drive you nuts, recognizing that you have some of your own? See why reading that book stung a little?
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
Depression + Nutrition (PART 1) Today we’re talking about the obvious. If you eat crap you’re going to feel like crap. I’m not preaching at you. I do it to. No shame here. I would eat a family sized bag of chips everyday for lunch if I could. The way we feel is directly tied to what we eat though. It’s like fuel for the car. If you get some bad fuel it’s going to mess your engine up. So what are some of the things killing us? 1. Energy drinks - • Horrible for depression! They’re full of artificial chemicals and they cause you to spike and then crash. I have clients who are legitimately addicted to these just like someone is addicted to cocaine or heroin. 2. Marijuana - • It’s not really a food unless you’re using edibles, but I’m tired of people trying to convince me that marijuana is good for you. Marijuana might be one of the biggest contributors to your depression if you’re a regular user. • Warning: If you’re taking depression or anxiety medication while using marijuana, your brain is probably the most confused thing on the planet. 3. Ultraprocessed foods - • This is pretty much anything sold in a gas station or anything that has an expiration date of more than a week or two. If it hasn’t been cooked the day you ate it then it is probably not contributing positively to your brain chemistry. Homework: Download the Yuka App. It’s free, you can scan any barcode, and it will tell you how healthy a food is on a scale of 0-100. It will also make recommendations for healthier alternatives for low scoring foods. It’s a lot of fun to play around with in your pantry.
Depression + Self-Talk Can you hear that little voice in your head? It’s the one when you’re at the grocery store and you were supposed to get 3 things and you can’t remember the 3rd thing. “Dang it, what was that last thing that I needed to get? It wasn’t milk because we have milk. Was it something in the produce section? Ugh, I can’t remember.” Psychologist Ethan Kross write a book about this called “Chatter.” Chatter is when normal factual self-talk changes to darker more accusatory and judgmental words. “You screw everything up. Can’t you ever do anything right?” “No one else struggles with this and here you are frozen and stuck in it doing the same stupid thing over and over again. You’re so pathetic.” Chatter is only going to fuel your depression. Here are 3 ways to quiet the chatter in your head: 1. Separate FACT from ASSUMPTION – • It can only officially be a FACT if someone else has literally said it to you. I heard a quote recently that said, “Imposter syndrome is the fear that other people are judging you as harshly as you are judging yourself.” They aren’t. 2. Identify Negative Beliefs and where they came from – • Negative Beliefs sound like “I” Statements. “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unworthy of love.” You might want to find a good counselor to help you work through these. 3. Journaling – • Write down a response to your own chatter as if you were responding to a friend who came to you asking your opinion about their inner voice. We’re usually kinder to others than we are to ourselves unfortunately. Homework: Take 60 seconds and think about which Negative Belief seems to pop up in your head most often to keep depression alive and well? We all have at least one. What’s yours?
Depression and Movement Alright, you knew it was coming. This is the 2nd most important way to beat depression. The 1st is Connection. You can’t beat this thing alone. The 2nd is Exercise or Movement. I say movement because when you’re struggling, you probably don’t feel like training for a marathon or joining a CrossFit gym. But when you don’t move at all, you don’t grow at all. Depression tells us to close the blinds and to lay in bed all day long in the dark accomplishing nothing. All that is going to do is stir up more Depression. Movement gives us a small goal to achieve and it get our muscles engaged and our blood and brain chemicals flowing again. You are just simply going to feel more alive. Here are 3 simple ways to start moving again: 1. Begin with gentle movement. • It doesn’t have to involve sweating • Try a yoga video on YouTube or just • Do 5 minutes of stretching 2. Set a reminder to do three 5-minute mood walks during the day • Walk around the building at work • Walk around the house on a rainy day • Notice your breath and the cadence of your arms and legs swinging back and forth 3. Make movement enjoyable • Walk to an enjoyable destination like the local bakery or to your favorite spot on the greenway to get a picture of a waterfall • Listen to your favorite music or podcast • Socialize while moving like the old ladies power walking at the mall Homework: Try doing some sort of new movement this week that’s out of the norm for you and let the rest of us know what you did and if it made you feel better.
