60 Second Recap - Quick to Listen...Slow to Anger
Daniel Crosby • September 6, 2024
3. Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger
In the Bible, James writes, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” (James 1:19 NIV)
Saying more words…repeatedly…louder is not going to change your spouse’s mind or heal your marriage.
Your spouse may not be fighting to win, but just to feel heard. Have you really listened to him and heard where he is coming from on this issue?
3 Ways to Listen and Temper Your Anger:
1. Call a TimeoutIf the conversation is so heated that we can’t keep talking, ask for a timeout. Then state a time that we will get back together and continue the conversation.2. Prepare to ListenCome to the conversation mentally prepared to listen. Bring a notebook and a pen. Tell your wife that you want to hear what is hurting her and are going to jot down some notes. If she says critical things, write them down. Repeat back what you wrote down. Thank her for sharing honestly and that you’d like to think on it before responding. No defending here, only genuinely listening.3. Talk Back…Sort ofTalk to your close trusted person or counselor and read them the things your spouse is asking for. Ask the hard questions, “What parts of this do I agree with?” “What parts of this am I willing to compromise on?”
It’s Go Time:
Get your mind in listening mode and ready to take some punches. Stay emotionally controlled but be prepared for the hits. This is going to give you a leap forward in healing your marriage. How? Because your spouse will begin to feel heard.
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know.
The #1 Symptom of Depression If you find yourself beginning to isolate from others, then you may be teetering into high functioning depression. I put it as #1 because it can stir up a lot of the other symptoms. That’s because isolation does 3 things to us: 1. Isolation increases negative self-talk – • When I don’t have others around me who will challenge my negativity with the truth then I tend to assume my negativity is the truth. 2. Isolation decreases the chance of having positive experiences – • When I am by myself, the chances of new ideas, new encouragement, and new successes is limited. 3. Isolation creates a lack of accountability to achieve – • When I don’t have accountability to push me and to sharpen me, I often continue in the same dull direction. Proverbs says, “As Iron sharpens iron so does one man sharpen another.” If you find yourself creeping into depression, find ways of reconnecting. Homework: • Commit to getting back in church for 5 Sundays in a row. • Find a group of people who enjoy walking, biking, or going to the gym and join them. • Go grab lunch with a group of coworkers. And hey, if all else fails and you want to dig deeper, give me a call and we can get something scheduled.
What is High Functioning Depression? If you’re the person who gets crap done, shows up for your family, runs your business, and keeps pushing—even when you feel dead inside—this might hit home. You might be struggling with this thing called DEPRESSION. Maybe you’ve heard of it. It doesn’t always look like crying in bed or missing work. In fact, it often looks like achievement. Busyness. Holding it all together. But inside? You’re worn out. Numb. And starting to wonder if something’s wrong with you. Let’s talk about what this high-functioning form of depression IS and what it IS NOT. It’s NOT: • Laziness or weakness • Just being tired from a long week • Something you can fix by "sucking it up and pushing through” It IS: • Feeling emotionally flat or disconnected, even when life looks good • Going through the motions—parenting, working, providing—but not feeling present • Quietly wondering: “Why do I feel this way when I have so much?” You’re not broken—and you’re definitely not alone. High-functioning depression is real. And it’s more common than you think—especially in men who lead, provide, and never let anyone see them sweat. Homework: Take 5 minutes at the end of your day to answer this one question in a journal or your Notes app: “What did I feel today—beneath the work, the schedule, the routine?” You don’t have to keep white-knuckling your way through life. You can feel better. And we’ll talk more about how—right here, each week. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl ought to be a must read for everyone because of its historical significance as well as the brilliance in what it teaches us. Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist during World War 2 and suffered imprisonment in a concentration camp for most of the war. The first half of the book is a detailed account of the horrors he suffered at the hand of the Nazi’s in the camps. What makes it most interesting is his perspective as an expert student in human behavior, not only of his captors, but also of his fellow sufferers. The second half of the book lays out his psychological theory. This is where it gets a little more geeky and heady. Out of his experiences, he developed what he termed “logotherapy,” which sought to help people find meaning in their lives. He believed that the absence of meaning is what leads to most mental health struggles. There are 3 ways in which we must derive meaning in life: 1. Contributing to the world through work, projects, or any form of creation that brings a sense of purpose. 2. Experiencing the world, including appreciating beauty, encountering love, and engaging with others. 3. Choosing a positive, responsible attitude towards unavoidable suffering, such as illness or loss. So go read this one. You’ll get a lot out of the first half about his experiences in the concentration camps even if you’re not a counseling nerd like me that is fascinated by logotherapy. “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl.
