60 Second Marriage Recap - Unconditional Love
Daniel Crosby • January 24, 2025
13. Unconditional Love
Does unconditional love exist? I believe it does…
…BUT…
…“But Daniel, I truly loved a person in my past and you can’t imagine the hurt they put me through. I just can’t love them anymore.”
I would argue that the reason you are hurting so much is BECAUSE you love them. Oftentimes the deeper the love, the more the hurt can occur. When we love deeply and open ourselves up vulnerably, we also open ourselves up to deep disappointment.
While I believe Unconditional Love DOES exist, I also believe that Unconditional Boundaries should not.
Part of loving someone is and being loved by them is knowing where the lines are. As the saying goes, “Good fences make good neighbors.” This is true in all relationships.
It is possible to love someone deeply and have to draw a line in what we will and will not tolerate and accept from that person.
It is possible to love someone unconditionally and even have to end that relationship.
Here are 3 ways to practice loving unconditionally:
1. Forgive freely – constantly trying to collect an old debt isn’t unconditional love. We must forgive in order to love freely.
2. Communicate clearly – Neil Strauss said, “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.” Be clear in what you expect out of those you love.
3. Accept openly – Recognize that you nor your spouse is perfect. You have just as many annoying things as they do. Love them for who they are.
It’s Go Time:
Do a quick 60 second assessment of your marriage. Ask: “What have I not forgiven?” “What have I not communicated?” “What am I not accepting?” “What boundaries haven’t been set that probably need to be moving forward?”
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
Look for beautiful things when you're restless, uncomfortable, or on edge. There's something about acknowledging the good around us that helps us reset and realize that it's not all bad. If you're struggling to see beautiful things in the world, come see me and we can talk more about it. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
“The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd is a book that will blow your mind. When I picked it up, it’s a very small thin book. Less than 100 pages. I assumed I’d breeze through it in a couple of hours. About a month later I finished digesting it. The truth is we cannot fully live the life God has called us to unless we acknowledge that we do have needs, that these needs are good, and discover the healthy ways of meeting these needs. Chip takes common human needs like Security and Accomplishment and he unpacks what they really are pointing us to in his typical concise but brilliant depth. There’s no fluff here. With chapters just 3-4 pages each, you’re going to want to have a highlighter ready to underline, to ponder these topics, and maybe then to discuss them with someone you know and trust. You’ll come away from this book with a deeper sense what is already fulfilled within you and ones that might be lacking where you need to go do a deep dive with a lot of prayer and introspection. If you liked Chip’s book “The Voice of the Heart,” this is one is your next read. Go grab “The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd.
Two ways a counselor might help you get uncomfortable and grow: 1. Systematic Desensitization is progressively working your way up to do harder things until you reach your goal and the hard things don't feel as hard anymore. 2. Flooding is when you conquer the struggle by going all in and confronting it head on. It's like teaching someone to swim by throwing them in the deep end of the pool. Could these things help you overcome some complacency? Come see me and we can talk more about it. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
