60 Second Marriage Recap - Love is a Choice
Daniel Crosby • February 7, 2025
15. Love is a Choice
Our culture has distorted the idea of LOVE. How’s that for directness?
Hollywood’s idea of love…Tik Tok’s idea of love…Our neighbor’s idea of love…
So what is love anyway?!
Love is the choice to seek only the best. It’s not just a feeling in the moment. It’s not just a logical thought either. It’s all of it wrapped up together.
Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
See where he said it takes the “heart, soul, and mind?” That’s complex!
This means that I should seek the best relationship with God, the best relationship with others, and the best relationship with myself.
Sometimes choosing what is best turns out to be what is the most difficult.
So what can help us choose love? Here are 3 ideas from Robert Sternberg, a psychologist that studied love.
1. Intimacy – Do you have fun together? Would you rather spend the day with your spouse or with anyone but your spouse? Do you play, tease, joke, talk, and dream together? Can you have conversations about hard things?
2. Passion – How’s your sex life? Is it growing and deepening or is it on the back burner and just a chore to check off the list? Do you kiss? Do you really kiss, like more than a peck on the cheek while walking out the door? Do you admire your spouse. Do you check them out when they walk away? Do you hug long and often?
3. Commitment – How strong is your trust in your marriage? Do you feel secure? Can you talk to your spouse about it if you don’t feel secure? Do you believe that you’d stay married even through a miscarriage, a life changing medical crisis, financial ruin, or an affair?
It’s Go Time:
Are your answers mostly positive to the above or do you need to get to work and begin making your love foundation a bit more solid? Maybe talk to your spouse about these big 3. Maybe call and set up an appointment with a counselor.
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know. daniel@danielcrosbycounseling.com
Look for beautiful things when you're restless, uncomfortable, or on edge. There's something about acknowledging the good around us that helps us reset and realize that it's not all bad. If you're struggling to see beautiful things in the world, come see me and we can talk more about it. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
“The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd is a book that will blow your mind. When I picked it up, it’s a very small thin book. Less than 100 pages. I assumed I’d breeze through it in a couple of hours. About a month later I finished digesting it. The truth is we cannot fully live the life God has called us to unless we acknowledge that we do have needs, that these needs are good, and discover the healthy ways of meeting these needs. Chip takes common human needs like Security and Accomplishment and he unpacks what they really are pointing us to in his typical concise but brilliant depth. There’s no fluff here. With chapters just 3-4 pages each, you’re going to want to have a highlighter ready to underline, to ponder these topics, and maybe then to discuss them with someone you know and trust. You’ll come away from this book with a deeper sense what is already fulfilled within you and ones that might be lacking where you need to go do a deep dive with a lot of prayer and introspection. If you liked Chip’s book “The Voice of the Heart,” this is one is your next read. Go grab “The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd.
Two ways a counselor might help you get uncomfortable and grow: 1. Systematic Desensitization is progressively working your way up to do harder things until you reach your goal and the hard things don't feel as hard anymore. 2. Flooding is when you conquer the struggle by going all in and confronting it head on. It's like teaching someone to swim by throwing them in the deep end of the pool. Could these things help you overcome some complacency? Come see me and we can talk more about it. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
