"Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away" Book Review
Daniel Crosby • March 19, 2025
“Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away” by Gary Chapman is one of the better books I’ve read lately for struggling marriages. Gary’s the guy that wrote the book “The Five Love Languages” that has been such a hit for decades.
This book goes deeper. If you’re in a marriage and you feel stuck and hopeless and like nothing is going to change then you’ve gotta read this one. The premise of the book is that you cannot control your spouse, but you can influence your spouse.
Is your spouse irresponsible, a workaholic, depressed, controlling, verbally, physically, or sexually abusive, uncommunicative, unfaithful, or addicted? Well there’s a whole chapter on each of these where he breaks down how you can influence your spouse for good.
The book is hopeful, yet realistic. Dr. Chapman is honest in saying where certain situations are going to be harder to overcome than others but also how every situation is worth trying for. If you’re considering a divorce then it would be good to read this book 1st to see if you’ve really done all you can do to overcome your marriage struggles. Or if you’re just tired of dealing with the same crap over and over again than this is a good one to read.
Go pick up “Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away” by Gary Chapman.
Depression and Movement Alright, you knew it was coming. This is the 2nd most important way to beat depression. The 1st is Connection. You can’t beat this thing alone. The 2nd is Exercise or Movement. I say movement because when you’re struggling, you probably don’t feel like training for a marathon or joining a CrossFit gym. But when you don’t move at all, you don’t grow at all. Depression tells us to close the blinds and to lay in bed all day long in the dark accomplishing nothing. All that is going to do is stir up more Depression. Movement gives us a small goal to achieve and it get our muscles engaged and our blood and brain chemicals flowing again. You are just simply going to feel more alive. Here are 3 simple ways to start moving again: 1. Begin with gentle movement. • It doesn’t have to involve sweating • Try a yoga video on YouTube or just • Do 5 minutes of stretching 2. Set a reminder to do three 5-minute mood walks during the day • Walk around the building at work • Walk around the house on a rainy day • Notice your breath and the cadence of your arms and legs swinging back and forth 3. Make movement enjoyable • Walk to an enjoyable destination like the local bakery or to your favorite spot on the greenway to get a picture of a waterfall • Listen to your favorite music or podcast • Socialize while moving like the old ladies power walking at the mall Homework: Try doing some sort of new movement this week that’s out of the norm for you and let the rest of us know what you did and if it made you feel better.
Depression + Routine Habits Ask any Kindergarten teacher if structure and routine is important. I think we crave comfort and consistency of what we know because it makes us feel safe. We like our favorite food at our favorite restaurant and we sit in the same place at church most of the time. But when depression hits, it can throw off our healthy routines and even spiral us into unhealthy habits. If you’re battling some depression you might be letting some stuff slide, like cleaning the house, eating healthy, or getting to work on time. 3 Ways to Reignite Healthy Routines: 1. Write it down – • Write down a checklist of to-do items the night before for what I plan to accomplish the next day. These can be big goal like filing your taxes or small personal hygiene goals like brushing your teeth. 2. Use accountability – • Piggyback onto someone else’s routine. If you know your buddy goes to the gym every morning at 5am, ask if he will call you every morning for a month until you create your own habit. 3. Reward consistency, not intensity, growth, or perfection – • We’re looking for reps. So what if you didn’t talk to anyone at church or sign up to serve in the children’s ministry. You showed up 5 Sundays in a row! That’s fantastic! Now go get ice cream! Homework: Pick one thing you need to get back into the routine of doing and try one of ideas above and tell us how you did.
Depression + Meaning Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist during WW2, was imprisoned in a concentration camp for most of the war and when the war ended he wrote a book titled “Man’s Search for Meaning.” He believed that the absence of meaning is what leads to depression. Out of his experiences, he developed a therapy technique to help people find meaning in their lives. So if a lack of meaning is fueling some of your depression, here’s what Dr. Frankl would suggest. 1. Contribute to the world through work, projects, or any form of creation that brings a sense of purpose. • You were created for a unique purpose that only you can fulfill. What is it? 2. Experience the world, including appreciating beauty, encountering love, and engaging with others. • You were created to live, not to scroll. What did you experience today that made you feel alive? 3. Choose a positive, responsible attitude towards unavoidable suffering, such as illness or loss. • You were created to be resilient and live in hope. What hard thing have you overcome because you are strong? Homework: • I want you to write down which of those 3 might be lacking in your life right now. • Then I want you to write down one small way that you can go meet that need for meaning in your life.
