Living by a Standard Will Lower Your Anxiety (2 Minute Read)
Daniel Crosby • December 21, 2023

Have you ever considered what standards you live by? Sometimes they’re so obvious we don’t even think about them. They’re often automatic. Our standards play an important role in anxiety though.


Here are TWO things that cause our anxiety alarms to sound off:


1.  When you don’t have a standard


When we don’t have a standard, we’re like a ship with a dead engine and no rudder. The current will take us anywhere it likes and we feel powerless. Powerlessness: That’ll create come anxiety, right? Increasingly in our world there is an absence of truth. When we don’t have a standard to live by then we don’t know how to react in certain scenarios.


Example: My standard: “Stealing is wrong. I do not steal.” When I’m at a friend’s house and they have a really nice blender sitting on their counter that I would love to have, I already have a preset decision in my mind. “I like their blender but it is theirs and not mine. If I want one, then I have to go get my own.” Easy decision!


Without a standard, though, the “What ifs” start spiraling in our head when we’re faced with a decision.


2. When you have a standard and ignore it


I had a person come into my office over 10 years ago. They were a ball of nerves like I’ve never seen before. Red faced, pressured speech, head lowered, grasping their hair with their hands, and literally wringing their hands. They were struggling! Then I heard the story. They were raised in a Christian home and went to church every week but they had been engaging in a secret illicit extramarital affair for over a year. The guilt and shame was deafening and they were falling apart. They 100% knew the right thing to do yet they were 100% doing the wrong thing. They had ignored their standard and it was tearing them to pieces.


HOMEWORK:

1. What are your top three standards or values that you refuse to budge on?

2. What are some important standards that you’ve tried to teach your kids?

3. Think of a time that you violated one of your standards. Did it stir up some anxiety?

4. What standards do you need to create and live by to lower some of your anxiety?


Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know.

"Don't Believe Everything You Think" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • July 16, 2025
“Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen is interesting. It’s one of those books where you need to grab hold of the concepts that are of benefit and toss the ones that aren’t. There’s some new-agey stuff in it that sounded like fluff to me but I had one big takeaway that I’ll use. Here it is: THOUGHTS are great! THINKING can become problematic. When you have a thought, that is neutral. It’s a fact. It’s what we do with that thought that then becomes helpful or harmful. When I take that factual thought and I begin over THINKING, JUDGING myself, SPIRALING into worst case scenarios, then the thought ceases to be productive. I’m confessing to you here. I’m raising my right hand. “Hi, my name is Daniel and I am an overthinker.” And then the crowd at the meeting replied I unison, “Hi Daniel.” Accept the thought but keep an eye on it because if the thought begins to get squirely and become self-critical or catastrophize then we need to snap ourselves back to reality. He gives you a little practical help with this but it’s only a 2 hour audiobook so it’s limited. Hey, that’s why you should come see me for counseling though. As an overthinker, we can work together to find ways to help your overthinking. It’s worth a read though. “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen.

"Born Again This Way" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • July 2, 2025
“Born Again This Way” by Rachel Gilson is a beautiful and deeply personal book about her struggle between her identity in the LGBT community and how that came into conflict when she became a person of faith. Talk about two very polarizing ideas in our world today! I would say it’s ½ memoir and ½ theology in its makeup. Gilson doesn’t hold back from getting into the nitty gritty of her own story as well as the Christian scriptures. The book is pointed but respectful. I can’t see any well-meaning person coming away from it offended. Sure, there are those who will read it and disagree with her ideas. It will sadden some and give hope to others. I’ve said before that we need to be reading things that challenge us. Read things to sharpen your beliefs. This means you should read a lot of things that are IN alignment with your beliefs so you can further clarify them. Also, read something that opposes your beliefs though. If we always live in our own echo chamber/ algorithm how will be learn how to interact with people who believe differently than we do. This is a great one for families lovingly trying to understand a child wrestling with LGBT ideas. This is a great one if you have friends in the LGBT community and wonder if or how to approach matters of faith. This is a good one for those in the LGBT community who want to read something from a Christian who bridges that divide that often exists. It’s a good one! “Born Again This Way” by Rachel Gilson.

"The Elephant in the Room" Book Review

By Daniel Crosby • June 25, 2025
“The Elephant in the Room: One Fat Man’s Quest to get Smaller in a Growing America” by Tommy Tomlinson might be my must read book of the year. It’s a beautiful memoir by Tomlinson, a coastal Georgia native, and a journalist by trade. He tells his story through the lens of his lifelong struggle with his weight. If you live in the south, then food is at the center of everything. We grieve with food, celebrate with food, and medicate with food. Heck, sometimes we’re sitting at the table gorging ourselves for lunch as we’re discussing plans for dinner. The book is hilarious in parts and heart breaking in other parts. It reminded me that everyone has a story behind who they are. We all have junk. He reminded me that some people’s stuff is internal. They look amazing on the outside but they’re crumbling inside. Other people’s stuff is external on display for the whole world to see though. What if rather than prejudging those we meet, we come alongside them and share our stuff. There’s something about knowing someone’s story that levels the playing field. If you struggle with weight, then this book is going to hit home. If you have a friend or family member who struggles with weight, then you need to read this one so you can better connect. If none of the above is true, you need to read this one because it’s an amazing story of a man who has a similar story to the rest of us. You’ll laugh and cry but most of all you’re connect with another person who is on this same journey we’re all on. Go read “The Elephant in the Room” by Tommy Tomlinson.