Help Heal My Marriage - 6. Stop Giving Them Ammo to Shoot You
Daniel Crosby • September 24, 2024
6. Don’t Give Them Ammo to Shoot You
One of the most satisfying things in a fight is when we get to call someone out for something they actually did! Don’t give them that power over you. “Haha! I knew it! Justice has been served!”
Maybe I’m operating with ulterior motives, but one reason for doing your part right in a relationship that is it gives the other person less ammo to use against you.
An innocent man has less to be worried about in a courtroom.
When my dog was “innocently” standing next to a plate that seconds earlier had 5 pork chops on it, she just incriminated herself. Guilty!
1. Emotional Self ControlThe person in the conversation that can stay the most logical and self-controlled usually ends up having more ability to steer the conversation.2. Act RighteouslyAct in a way that is morally and ethically right or good. The Golden Rule, treating others the way we want to be treated, also applies.3. Radical HonestyBe completely upfront about your shortcomings and struggles. If you say them out loud then the other person can’t say them out loud at you. Tell them where you’re falling short and that you want to get better. Just like that, the ammo becomes a dud.
It’s Go Time:
Answer this: “Where am I making things harder for myself in my marriage than it has to be?”
Every day I help hurting frazzled people by walking with them as they get back on the path toward becoming who God created them to be. Shoot me an email if there’s anything I can do to help you or someone you know.
Look for beautiful things when you're restless, uncomfortable, or on edge. There's something about acknowledging the good around us that helps us reset and realize that it's not all bad. If you're struggling to see beautiful things in the world, come see me and we can talk more about it. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
“The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd is a book that will blow your mind. When I picked it up, it’s a very small thin book. Less than 100 pages. I assumed I’d breeze through it in a couple of hours. About a month later I finished digesting it. The truth is we cannot fully live the life God has called us to unless we acknowledge that we do have needs, that these needs are good, and discover the healthy ways of meeting these needs. Chip takes common human needs like Security and Accomplishment and he unpacks what they really are pointing us to in his typical concise but brilliant depth. There’s no fluff here. With chapters just 3-4 pages each, you’re going to want to have a highlighter ready to underline, to ponder these topics, and maybe then to discuss them with someone you know and trust. You’ll come away from this book with a deeper sense what is already fulfilled within you and ones that might be lacking where you need to go do a deep dive with a lot of prayer and introspection. If you liked Chip’s book “The Voice of the Heart,” this is one is your next read. Go grab “The Needs of the Heart” by Chip Dodd.
Two ways a counselor might help you get uncomfortable and grow: 1. Systematic Desensitization is progressively working your way up to do harder things until you reach your goal and the hard things don't feel as hard anymore. 2. Flooding is when you conquer the struggle by going all in and confronting it head on. It's like teaching someone to swim by throwing them in the deep end of the pool. Could these things help you overcome some complacency? Come see me and we can talk more about it. www.danielcrosbycounseling.com
